Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
