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• (512): View more from Texas

  And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Barney's a jerk

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment

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• (831): View more from California

  Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it

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• (415): View more from California

  so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just saw a government minister puke and rally.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.

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