I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
