how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
