I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
