i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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