didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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