she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize