I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
