That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize