Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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