dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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