I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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