You're my little dorito
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
