This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
