Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
