maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
