The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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