We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
