I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
