1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
