Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
