ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize