She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
