hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize