My room smells like vodka and shame
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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