ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
