The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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