I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
