He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
