I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize