I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't turn off my feet"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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