My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
