One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize