I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
