Kiss
Puke
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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