every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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