I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize