Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
