I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
