Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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