So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
