She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
