The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
