a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
