Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
please come you make the beer taste better
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
