My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
