I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
