So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize