I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
porn star boner night. come get it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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