moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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