I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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