Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
