I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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