She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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