I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
