And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
