you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize