That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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