I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
