take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I pour the whiskey from now on
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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