I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
