God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
