The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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