I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
