It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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