We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
