Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
