She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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