You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
