I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
