I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
