I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
