i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
