ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She's the barista slut.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
