i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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