it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
