Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
