I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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