What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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