I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
accomplished twins. life is a go
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
