I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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