my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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