My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Randomize
