ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
