you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
