Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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